Adult Children of Manipulative and Abusive Parents


Are you the adult child of a parent who often manipulates and abuses you? Do you feel like regardless of what you do it’s never good enough? If so, you’re not alone. You would think parents would be loving and supportive but there are plenty of people who have unfortunately been born to dysfunctional people. I explain to people that one of the great truths I’ve learned in life is that you can’t change anybody. People only change when they want to. Even in a relationship that is spiraling downwards, a person may temporarily make the changes that their partner is requesting, but if they aren’t truly serious about it, it won’t last.

The truth is that you can’t force anybody to change. If anything, that only creates resentment. True change must come from within. In situations where you are constantly being let down and hurt, you need to decide what you are going to do about it. Realize you can’t change other people, but you can always take control of your own life by doing what’s right for you, whatever that may be.

Unless you are caring for a young child, you’re not responsible for anybody but you. Nobody can do to you what you don’t allow them to do to you. If you keep allowing yourself to be abused, then that’s the way it’s always going to be because that other person is already used to getting away with it. You can anticipate more of the same behavior.

This really is an issue of self-respect and you owning your own life. Don’t stay the victim, feeling stuck and hopeless, especially when you have so much life to live. Not when you’re life is so valuable.

Do what is necessary to ensure your well being, whether it be establishing boundaries or even keeping your distance. Remember, the only person responsible for you is you and you owe it to yourself to take really good care of you, even if the people that should have taken care of you, didn’t.

As Gandhi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Bring your focus inwards. It’s your happiness that matters most.

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